Prometheus: Great 3D, but little else

Mental Health Warning: Prometheus could damage your perception of science fiction in general if not just the Alien franchise. If you must see Prometheus then please wear protective eye wear supplied by the theatre [because if it wasn’t for the 3D this would be a complete waste of effort].

 

Yes indeed, it took him over 30 years but Ridley Scott finally returned to science fiction where he fashioned what many regard as his greatest achievements; Blade Runner and Alien, two very different but equally genre defining and important works in motion picture history. Blade Runner has cinematically remained sequel-less, Scott has on more than one occasion returned to ‘tweak’ it to almost Lucas proportions and it was only in 2007 did he declare it truly complete. It stands today [to the misguided cretins who reject Star Wars] as highest on the list of the the greatest science fiction movies of all time. Alien is on that list too but as a genre-straddling sci-fi/horror movie. Personally I think Alien is a crock of shite. It’s too dark, too slow, there’s not enough interesting dialogue for it’s two-hour runtime and defiantly not enough action. It’s too lopsided on the horror and less on the sci-fi. I dislike ‘survival horror’ in general because it lacks the vision of using superior military firepower to counter a single containable threat.

 

While Blade Runner has remained sequel-less [although that could change], thankfully James Cameron came along in 1986 and corrected Scott’s mistakes with Aliens; creating what would be used as the mould from which an Alien franchise would spawn. Sadly two subsequent sequels Alien 3 and Alien: Resurrection in the 1990's were even worse than the original and regarded as some of the worst movies ever made but we won’t talk about them. 

 

What was most disappointing, was that all the previous groundwork Scott laid and all the stuff  Cameron brought to the table, was either ignored or deliberately shit upon by Scott in Prometheus. In doing so, he has alienated [no pun intended] those that truly follow and admire the franchise by creating a thoroughly incomprehensible "origin" tale which makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. It came as no surprise when I learned afterwards that the movie's writer [or is that re-writer?] was Damien Lindelof, one of those "responsible" for lost, and when I say "responsible" I mean as in for a crime against drama not someone who should be receiving accolades for it! The entire plot is such obvious completely idiotic nonsense that even a small child would question it, were it old enough to see this. 

Please understand I'm not going down the road of nitpicking the whole improbable chance of sentient human evolution from a suicidal alien who is basically human in shape as that's a pre-supposition from everything in science fiction, case closed. I'm also not asking why otherwise intelligent characters, would not just run in a 90 degree direction away from the path of a crashing spaceship as opposed to running in the path inertia is obviously going to take it in, because movie characters often do monumentally stupid things. No I just want to know what the whole fucking point of this shit movie was. It's explored tongue in cheek here if you want it spoiled for you.

Is everything in this completely worthless? No, Micheal Fassbender is magic, he did the very best he had with such complete tripe and delivered such a deliciously creepy performance despite being hamstrung by a scriptwriter who obviously didn't know what he was doing, and a director who has smoked one too many cigars. Wheather it was intentional or not Fassbender's android David has more soul than the other bland human characters including protagonist Elizabeth Shaw [Noomi Rapace]. The only thing Scott did right here was the 3D. It wasn't a demonstration of tech like Avatar or it wasn't subdued like Disney's flawed efforts, it was used to a perfect extent to convey true depth and immersion at points where you could appreciate it as being such. A pity it was wasted on such nonsensical tripe.

Final Verdict: What the fuck!? Worst movie of the year is not John Carter.

Colonel Creedon Rating: *

UPDATED: It seems that a suspicion I had was correct. Lindelof came on board Prometheus to change Jon Spaihts screenplay at Scott's demand to remove all the things that made it too Alien-ey, you know all the familiar stuff like facehuggers, chestbursters, eggs, xenomorphs, basically ALL THE STUFF WE FUCKING WANTED, ASSHOLE!!!